Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
