I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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