Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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