she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize