all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
