After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
