I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
