Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
