thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
