My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
