Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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