Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
