We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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