You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
