we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
