the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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