Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We got so high we made milksteak
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
