Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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