My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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