you guys were way drunker than both of me
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
