Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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