We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
