i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
