I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
