Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
