my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
