I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
