Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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