get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
