Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
