you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
