Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
