remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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