Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you win again, gameday.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize