I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
