You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
