Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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