there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you traded sex for a burrito?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
