I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Im part way to drunk.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
