no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
