I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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