It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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