you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
