my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
