that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
