I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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