Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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