do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
