My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
