Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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