ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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