As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
