i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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