It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
