he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
