you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
