she looked like the before picture.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
