I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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