You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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