She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
