i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
