I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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