I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
