I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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