he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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