Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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