Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Boobs speak an international language.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
