We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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