I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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