Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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