I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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