then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
