you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
