That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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