You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
