did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
