Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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