He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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