stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
