he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
