Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
