I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
