Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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